Just two days after learning my diagnosis, and early this morning I received a call from my Doctors Surgery bringing my appointment forward from Saturday to today.Apparently, when she arrived at work she asked why I wasn’t booked in!
She knew about my news whilst at her Sons school Sports Day as the Doctor from the Clinic, being a good friend of Hers rang on her mobile to update her all about me.
My Doctor, Stacy Wirth, highly recommended a local female surgeon and faxed my details immediatly to her office. Within two hours I received a phone call from the Hospital, I am booked in for an appointment and if everything goes well I am scheduled for surgery on Tuesday!
Everything is happening so fast, poor Simon looks worried and sad and I don’t know what I can do to reassure him.
When I got the news today that my Dr’s appointment had moved forward, Si turned around on his way to work and came straight back to work from home as he wanted to be with me at the Doctor’s Appointment.
Afterwards, we visited Myers Department Store as Simon loves to cook and after our holiday we are very much into Thai food and he wanted to buy a wok.
On our way to the cooking department we passed the books on display and staring out at me was a book Called ‘Breast Cancer, Taking Control’ by Professor John Boyages, MD,PhD. With 30% discount.
I obviously had to purchase the book and I am half way through reading it already, I would recommend it for anyone in my position who wants to make sense of the paperwork, diagnosis, what it all means together with treatment options and much more.
On a different note, I ran for 10k this morning, my hip is still niggling from my injury a month ago from over training, but I just needed to be outside, feeling the wind against my face, the cold air as we are well into autumn here, the sound of the ocean as I ran along Mooloolaba esplanade and to relish in that wonderful endorphin release that gave me a much needed rest from the stressful thoughts that have been entering my head.
I had thought of changing my Noosa Half Marathon on the 6 May to a 10k but It looks like I will be watching Simon on the side lines now…
Steve on Friday, 27 April 2012 10:01 AM
Wow Angie things are moving fast. Good to see you did 10k. Judy me and the rest of the circle will be with you and Simon all the way on this journey.
Judy on Sunday, 29 April 2012 8:55 AM
Hi Ange, I still can’t comprehend your diagnosis, straight after arriving back from Bangkok with us. We had the best holiday ever, so thank you Ange, Si, Adam & Por for making it so special. It’s good that you’re such an amazing person and still focussed on doing your running and even a full marathon. You are one of the fittest and health concious women I know, so you were the last person I would expect to have cancer diagnosed. I know you’ll get through this and achieve you dreams and we’ll always be there for you and Si Love & hugs Judy X
Angela Farlam: Posted on Monday, 30 April 2012 6:01 PM
Monday 30 April
Just three weeks ago today, we were very excited to be travelling to Thailand for our holiday and to catch up with My Son Adam and his Girlfriend, Por. The Day was Easter Monday and we had already experienced three wonderful sunny days on the Sunshine Coast and were feeling relaxed, happy and full of curiosity at what the future would hold…
One of our most memorable meals in Bangkok was at a place called ‘Dining in the Dark. A fabulous restaurant where the choice of food is either Thai, Mediterran or Vegetarian, you choose your drinks and then you have to leave items such as mobile phones, watches or anything else that might give off some light, in a safe in the reception area before being introduced to your waiter and waitress who happen to be blind. Then, one by one we were taken through a black curtain into total darkness and guided to our table.
I am not sure if I have ever experienced total darkness before, usually when a room is dark after a little while your eyes adjust and you can make out shapes or objects, well not here, the waitress reached for my arm and placed my drink in my arm, ensuring that I had hold of it before she let go. The same procedure took place with our food, which was a total of three courses. I could sort of get a feeling of where everyone on the table was sitting around me and felt quite comfortable, we laughed a lot at this new experience, after a while we began to hear the voices as the restaurant began to fill with other people, well at least that’s what we thought… perhaps it was just a tape recorder and we were the only people in the room!
I am in the dark once more, fumbling my way through this new and challenging experience, seeing people and situations from a new perspective, hearing words such as grades, stages, positive and negative and trying to make sense of how they apply in my case and then learning ways to change the ache I feel in my solar plexus that has been coming and going since learning about my diagnosis of Breast Cancer last Tuesday.
I know that it is not my experience now that is causing the ache inside, it is the way I am thinking about the situation. Now we can’t stop our thoughts, they just pop into our head, but I do have the choice to stop, whenever I recognise my thoughts are causing me to feel bad, just STOP what I am thinking and remember something else that gives me a good feeling. I recommended a little book on my blog a while ago called Stop Thinking and Start Living, it’s a great little book and I have a copy at the side of my bed now, just looking at the Title is a reminder to notice what thoughts are going through my mind and if necessary change them. It does take practice though!
Another Strategy that gets me through tough times is to go out and run, I have been lucky enough to have two 10k runs this week, One with Simon who ran his first 10k and I was there to run along with him! I am amazed and so proud of his determination since his first run and walk at the end of November last year, then his first 5k at his first session with Lazy Runners. I am not sure if he realises how much running is going to help him to cope in the months ahead but I do. 🙂
I wonder how many of you know that our unconscious mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is imagined, so although, I would rather be out running, next week after surgery I intend to use the language of my mind, to take myself into a trance and run for miles, along Mooloolaba esplanade, smelling the Ocean, feeling the sea breeze on my face and allow the good feelings to spread though out my body, I feel good now just thinking about thinking about it! 🙂
I believe I am strong and then… we were out the other day and I received a call from the Doctors Surgery, it was the nurse wanting me to see the Dr as they had received another letter from The Wesley Breast Clinic, when I told her that I was already booked in to see the Surgeon, she seemed confused and said she would have a word with the Doctor. After putting the phone down, my mind played tricks with me as I thought something else must be wrong!… got Si to ring them back a bit later, turns out that the Doctor was so quick at arranging my Surgeon that the nurse was unaware what had transpired!
The Wesley had sent a letter making sure I attended the Doctors, but they were a bit late off the mark. All because my Doctor at the Wesley was best friends with my Doctor on the Coast! LOL
I came across a quote on Facebook that inspired me,
” When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.” -Henry Ford
I can’t explain consciously why this quote makes me feel good but thats ok 🙂
I love quotes and metaphors and all the meanings we can take from them depending on our own individual beliefs and values.
I read a comment today from someone who is intending to write her own Blog, she said she didn’t want it to be just for self indulgence like some are. I felt guilty for a moment about writing this blog, because it is self indulgent, it is to make me feel better, but It is also a reminder for me that one of my intentions in writing is to show what is possible, to help others to cope in new ways in what is perceived as a scary situation.
To help them reframe the thoughts in their mind so that what was once scary can become exciting. Life is like a roller coaster, we get good times, and difficult times and we tend to learn and grow more from the challenging times than the easy ones!
To keep my status as a Clinical Member of the Australian Institute of Hypnotherapists, it is important to be a member of a Peer Group that meets on a monthly basis. Even without this requirement, I have been running a Peer Group for a few years now and have some wonderful Colleagues. We sometimes swap treatments on each other and I am going to owe quite a few swaps before the end of my Cancer Treatment.
My first Hypnosis session with my friend Jules, is this morning before meeting with the Surgeon. Just to give me some unconscious reinforcement, I am so grateful for my own skills at Hypnosis and understand that we can’t do everything for ourself and it is ok to ask for help now and again.
I read somewhere that this is the worst bit… Waiting and waiting and wondering what is going to happen. I have not got the best reputation for being patient so I am relieved that I am seeing the Surgeon and scheduled for Surgery in exactly seven days from Diagnosis.
Good News…. After my appointment with my Surgeon Lisa Crighton who appears to have an amazing reputation on the coast! She seems to think as far as Cancers go, mines a good one! Only 5% chance that it will be in the lymph nodes so…
I go in tomorrow morning for surgery, I am having Lumpectomy’s in both breasts. If the results come in as expected, this will be followed by Radiation Therapy and Hormome Therapy … no Chemo!
So now I go and pack my pyjamas and toothbrush! ……